Category: Parent Talk
I'm not so much angry, more resigned, even sad, not very hungry. I've decided not to call my family of origin any more. Every time I do it is just grief & aggravation. My friend's mom died & he got in the car & headed to Michigan to pay his respects. I called my folks the day after, giving some thought to heading out there to see 'em in June. At the time my daughter was napping with two adults present in the house, and I was taking a walk. The only time I take walks by myself is when she is with her dad, and no other. So mom...whom I'd have more respect for my dad if he left her with nothing in divorce court than the way he lets her walk all over him...says "Where's Mimi"? Me, "At home." Her, "Alone." This isn't the first time this accusation has been made & its totally false. By then I had had it, thinking "James has such a respectful relationship with his family he drives to the midwest to see 'em, and I get this." I was fed up and accepted a call I knew was a wrong number because it beat talking to her. I am tired of being addressed as stupid & incompetent, so I will not be continuing this contact. I finally ended up phoning to say I would not be heading to Florida today, tomorrow, or ever, and didn't even finish the conversation as by then I was livid.
Also it isn't a matter of 'if' but 'when' in at least a separation proceeding from Mr Squid. I am waiting until Mimi starts public kindergarten in the fall as to do so now would be too costly and very difficult to manage. We are two different individuals, and last night I got penalized for, of all things, taking Mimi to a dentist & allowing some work to be done on her teeth. I told him he had the thieves on that side of town...getting free dental care for their kids yet not having any trouble paying for cars in an area by two subway stations or satellite tv...for our hefty bill, and I got treated to accusations of racism. For calling bad behavior bad behavior? OK...Now he made some valid points, it's possible I may lose my job or have a catastrophic illness or something that requires me to look for help...but in that instance I wouldn't be treating neighbors as free taxi service, or leaving the country for months at a time, or wasting what money I had on cigarettes, I would resort to public benefits as a last resort. He and I see things differently, I am a private person who sees unrelated individuals 40 hours a week & don't want to entertain at home, he is much more social & prefers the company of friends. Those are two different goals that are incompatible. It feels like in waiting I am being drained of blood drop by drop rather than the more efficient vacutainer system, and I'm kind of nervous about how this will affect our daughter, or if I may regret it later, as I've known some both childless and childed women to do. Anyone here go thru divorce or estrangement? Thanks for the board space.
Yeah I want nothing to do with my family. They're nosy, pushy, stupid & ignorant & I REFUSE to put my children through their drama. Besides, most of my birth family are druggies & I don't want that crap in my kids' lives either. My husband's dad's side of the fam & most of his mom's side are idiots who drink, fight, cause trouble & some are even incarcerated for stuff that I would never expose a child to. We keep to ourselves & a few friends, but that's it! Our kids are far better for it & I'm not sad to say it's their own damn fault, not ours for not being able to see our babies. Good luck with everything.
I have issues with a lot of my family and don't talk to a lot of them much. I used to talk to even less of them, but after years of not much, I have an interesting relation with my mom and a kind of relationship with my dad. They're both somewhat on surface level, my dad more than my mom, but it's not unusual for me to go without talking to most of my family.
Take Care,
Dawnielle
It's so sad family is becoming so undervalued. It's understandable given the context, but there was a time when family values and relationships mattered.
BG, more power to ya if you don't/wouldn't mind subjecting yourself or others to such toxic people. I personally couldn't be happier that I'm completely on my own, with no family to speak of.
what's ashame, here, is the attitude that you and most of society has that this sort of thing is seen as horrible. I'm sure I share a common feeling with some other posters that we're all the better without such folks, and wouldn't ever think twice about setting ourselves up for heartbreak again.
as dr phil said so well "if your family's baggage is to heavy to carry, lock it in a bus station locker and throw away the key." My mom died right after my husband and i got married. my dad remarried and i have a pretty good relationship with my step mom but her kids are all not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier. When my kids were little, Jim and i picked certain people and told the kids that they were their heart aunts and uncles. when my daughter was in second grade there was this big broohaha because she kept talking about heart aunts and blood aunts. The test takers thought she was learning disabled for heaven sake. anyway, i wish i had a closer relationship with my family. i don't and it is sad. my brother can't stand me. i like him ok but he has problems with me. sorry for whining.
I fear you misunderstand Happy Heart. Likely I did not explain myself. It's not that I think we should stick by family no matter how toxic they become. I don't agree with that. WHat I do think is family is under increasing attack by society. The family unit isn't what it once was. It is meant to be close-knit; people we can always count on. But it isn't anymore. We have situations like these, and they tear families apart. My sorrow is for the family unit in general, and how so often we are given reasons not to trust one another. I definately don't think staying in a hopeless environment is the answer.
I think those who have loving supportive families are very fortunate. Not all of us are lucky enough to have one; it's sad, but what can you do?
That's true. There are certain members of my family I wouldn't wish on anyone. At the same time, I do try to keep an emotional distance while being respectful. I've found that that's the best way to deal with them at this point in my life.